Skyknight Interceptor1W
Creature - Human Knight (U)
Flash
Flying
When Skynight Interceptor enters the battlefield, prevent all damage that would be dealt to it this turn.
Skynight Interceptor can block an additional creature.
1/1
Haze Frog and Frontline Strategist both cost 5 for a similar effect, although I'm not entirely sure why. I guess this one is a little more limited in preventing the alpha strike since it can only hold off two guys alone, and being able to kill a 1 toughness guy and survive isn't that powerful. Flying is probably pushing it a bit, but maybe it's important for the Limited format.
Galvanic Blessing1R
Enchantment - Aura {U}
Enchant creature
When Galvanic Blessing enters the battlefield, it deals 3 damage to enchanted creature.
Enchanted creature has "T: This creature deals 2 damage to target creature or player."
Oh ok yeah first read I thought it was dealing 3 to another guy. It's a pretty interesting split between Volcanic Hammer for one off removal or a very powerful ping effect that requires 4+ toughness. Great combo with stuff like the 2/5 vigilance soulbond guy and other white creatures. Hard to say if it is really a blessing.
Light of the Goldnight
Enchantment - Aura {C}
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature has defender.
If a source would deal damage to enchanted creature, prevent half that damage, rounded up.
"Guard the people. That is your only duty."
-Gisela. Flavor is pretty good. Basically worse Guard Duty? I think skipping the defender would have been fine, it's too schizophrenic.
Educate the Mindless2UU
Sorcery (R)
Gain control of target red or green creature.
Good title for sure. I don't think hosers are generally rare these days, uncommon should be fine. I think this cost is ok. Some haughty blue wizard flavor text would have been nice.
For our reference: 1 - KK - Something that stops two attackers on their turn. 2 - Prophy - Steal one of the gargoyles on our turn. 3 - Emo - Damage preventing/halving Aura. 4 - Bale - Some sort of damage dealing effect.
Ok, 2/3, could have felt a little more coherent but it was a decent effort.
Team Much Larger Dave
Mana Available: 13WWWWUUUBBBBBRRRRRRGGGG
KoolKoal(Druid) — 5 life — 12 + 9 + 9
Emocakes(Artificer/Auramancer) — 5 life — 8 + 8 + 8
Prophylaxis(Warlock) — 5 life — 11 + 10 + 10
Balefire(Taskmage) — 5 life — 11 + 8 + 11
Success! Even Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacarhimself would have to praise the perfect roasting of this Granite Gargoyle flesh. You hastily chop off a few choice cuts from under the cracked stone skin, then head for the door while the hapless knight gets gobbled up by the remaining Gargoyle.
Leaving the unbearable heat behind, you press forward. The hall bends and slopes downward, spiraling deeper into the heart of the mountain. Strangely, the volcanic heat seems to fade, replaced by a distinct chill. You press on, breath hanging in the air, as you notice rime start to coat the dark stone walls. Finally, you come to an imposing door to the right, its metal doors cold to the touch. You decide you can't pass up the chance to investigate, and pry the doors open. A burst of freezing air greets you, and you brush the ice from your eyebrows to see inside.
You are surprised to see a huge open cavern, dominated by the huge chunk of ice in the center. Icy paths branch out to the walls, and one leads from the door to the center of the glacial shard. One of you notices ancient runes surrounding the door frame, and chips them away to reveal what is held within; the ice holds the frozen breath of a thousand baby beebles! Surely this is one of the ingredients to the Most Delicious Recipe Ever. But how will you fair against the gale-force freezing winds that howl through the cavern?
You or a creature you control with total power 4 or greater must reach the ice and return with a chunk, then you must preserve the ice so it does not melt outside.
(Frost Breath is cast against any creature in the room on every beginning of combat step. To retrieve the ice, you need to attack twice, once to get there and once to get back. Finally, you will need to preserve the Beeble Breath shown below.)
Baby Beeble BreathU
Enchantment (M)
At the beginning of the end step, sacrifice Baby Beeble Breath.
Magma DuelistR
Creature - Elemental (U)
Haste
Magma Duelist must be blocked if able.
Prevent all damage that Magma Duelist would deal to players or planeswalkers.
4/1
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I'll bet you wish you had a non-unglued/unhinged card that shared your first name.
"The cloak will hide you from whoever is seeking you, and make it impossible for those who are seeking you to hide."
-----
or
----- Beeble's Bauble
Artifact {U}
Wishthief Sylph1B
Creature - Faerie {U}
Flash
Flying
When Wishthief Sylph enters the battlefield, change the target of target spell that targets only a single creature to Wishthief Sylph. 1/1
Suppress ReactionUU
Instant (U)
Counter target spell that's the first spell cast that turn. "It's a new one, I heard. Right... You need some practice."
So the plan is cast Magma Duelist, bash. In response to the Frost Breath, cast Wishthief Sylph, thus getting through. Then, on the next turn, bash back with the Duelist, casting Supress Reaction on the Frost Breath targeting it. Once the Duelist returns with the Beeblebeeblebeeble, cast Essence Tether so it never dies EOT.
Magma DuelistR
Creature - Elemental (U)
Haste
Magma Duelist must be blocked if able.
Prevent all damage that Magma Duelist would deal to players or planeswalkers.
4/1
So it's less selective Flame Slash, unless they can only block with some 0/x<5 creatures, in which case you may receive another free Flame Slash. I guess it can also block, but it has two pro-attack abilities that make that aspect confusing, and that is a strange way for red to play.
Abilities can't trigger during end steps. Any player may pay to ignore this effect until end of turn.
"Things that aren't long for other planes, well... they tend to stick around a bit longer here."
Torpor Orb is really the only comparison, so I guess the cost is ok. It has a Leonin Arbiter feel to it as well. I'm not really sure why white would be the go-to color here; there are a decent number of positive triggers but most end step triggers are negative, and red probably has the most to gain. Certainly a good Johnny rare though.
Wishthief Sylph1B
Creature - Faerie {U}
Flash
Flying
When Wishthief Sylph enters the battlefield, change the target of target spell that targets only a single creature to Wishthief Sylph. 1/1
Muck Drubb?? Didn't someone tell you not to base cards on Planar Chaos color pie? Generally this is blue or red, but I guess black is in between them, so it isn't inconceivable, just not much basis for this color. I guess it's sort of black to steal their pump spell, but using it as a sacrifice to save another guy from removal seems more white really.
Suppress ReactionUU
Instant (U)
Counter target spell that's the first spell cast that turn. "It's a new one, I heard. Right... You need some practice."
Hmmm...I understand the idea that they might use a test spell to get around this, but I think this is a lot better than Second Chance, more than the change from 1U to UU. It could depend on the format I guess, but I think it is alarmingly close in power to original Counterspell when even Mana Leak is drawing hate. The name also doesn't make great sense, the first spell isn't really a reaction.
So the plan is cast Magma Duelist, bash. In response to the Frost Breath, cast Wishthief Sylph, thus getting through. Then, on the next turn, bash back with the Duelist, casting Supress Reaction on the Frost Breath targeting it. Once the Duelist returns with the Beeblebeeblebeeble, cast Essence Tether so it never dies EOT.
Sure, well coordinated and precise division of roles. I'll give 3/3 this time.
You used 2WUUBR
Team Much Larger Dave
Mana Available: 11WWWUBBBBRRRRRGGGG
KoolKoal(Druid) — 5 life — 12 + 9 + 9 + 10
Emocakes(Artificer/Auramancer) — 5 life — 8 + 8 + 8 + 10
Prophylaxis(Warlock) — 5 life — 11 + 10 + 10 + 9
Balefire(Taskmage) — 5 life — 11 + 8 + 11 + 9
You execute your plan with perfect timing, protecting the magma elemental as it scrabbles across the ice bridge, tears off a chunk of beeble breath-imbued ice, and returns. Before the elemental's hot grasp melts it away, you cast a tethering spell to keep the fragile substance intact.
Moving on, you finally reach a doorway at what appears to be the end of the hallway. Pushing open the heavy doors, you nearly stumble into the bottomless chasm that stretches out immediately upon the other side. The bottom is dark and a strong wind blows here, though not nearly as cold as the last room. However, you soon spot a light in the darkness. On the opposite wall of the chasm, high up to the left, there is a tiny point of brilliant light. You can barely make out what appears to be a translucent, glowing vial, hanging on a chain in front of a door. Consulting The Underworld Cookbook, you realize that this must be a vial of the legendary Sweetest Thing Ever! Distortion in the air hints at magical protection, however, and that is not all - a formidable angel suddenly drops into view between you and the light, shield raised to defend!
Gain control of the vial (it is a 1 mana artifact).A Privileged Position is in effect for the opponent, and the Aegis Angel targets the enchantment.In addition, you must all have flying to progress.
Ectoplasm Cultivator1B
Creature - Human Shaman (C)
When Ectoplasm Cultivator enters the battlefield, each opponent sacrifices a creature. You lose 2 life for each creature sacrificed this way. Stealing souls takes a toll. Be certain you can pay it.
1/1
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I'll bet you wish you had a non-unglued/unhinged card that shared your first name.
Keeper of Primordium1G
Creature - Elf Druid {U}
Kicker 2G (You may pay an additional 2G as you cast this spell.)
When Keeper of Primordium enters the battlefield, if it was kicked, target opponent sacrifices an artifact and an enchantment. 2/2
Plan of Action:
I cast Keeper of Primordium, kicking it, which forces the "opponent" to sac the Vial and the Privileged Position.
Prophy casts [INSERT NAME], reviving the artifact to his side from the "opponent's" graveyard.
KK casts Ectoplasm Cultivator, forcing the "opponent" to sacrifice the angel, so we can pass by unharmed.
Emo casts Ascension of the Meek, and we fly on through with the Vial, unmolested by the dead angel.
Spelunking1W
Sorcery (U)
Return target noncreature artifact card with converted mana cost 2 or less from a graveyard to the battlefield under your control.
Ascension of the Meek :1mana::symw:
Enchantment {R}
Creatures you control with power 2 or less have flying and lifelink. "Your faith will not go unrewarded."
Sure, works for me. Lots of white themes coming together, could be good in the right deck. Unfortunately doesn't work very well with anthems.
Ectoplasm Cultivator1B
Creature - Human Shaman (C)
When Ectoplasm Cultivator enters the battlefield, each opponent sacrifices a creature. You lose 2 life for each creature sacrificed this way. Stealing souls takes a toll. Be certain you can pay it.
1/1
Sure, why not. Fleshbag Marauder, with the bonus of being cheaper and only affecting opponents but the drawback of life loss and being smaller. I'm not sure cards that are just worse in multiplayer are a great design space though.
Keeper of Primordium1G
Creature - Elf Druid {U}
Kicker 2G (You may pay an additional 2G as you cast this spell.)
When Keeper of Primordium enters the battlefield, if it was kicked, target opponent sacrifices an artifact and an enchantment. 2/2
Opponent needed a True Believer too Similar to Tribute to the Wild plus Hull Breach. Not sure how often you will hit both types, but maybe it will be useful in EDH or something like that.
Spelunking1W
Sorcery (U)
Return target noncreature artifact card with converted mana cost 2 or less from a graveyard to the battlefield.
Seems like kind of a weird name, but I guess the concept is fine. White does probably have the most artifact resurrection. Argivian Restoration is the closest, but only hits your own yard. I think with the CMC restriction this works. (Yeah 2 for 2 or less should be ok.)
You lay out a plan and put it into action, laying waste to the magical energies that protect the vial on the other side of the chasm. Your assault destroys the vial itself, but once you soar up to reach the balcony, Prophylaxis casts a spell to carefully restore it, and you marvel at the aura of sweetness that exudes from the delicate container. Pressing through the door, you move on.
The hall beyond is decorated for a banquet. Columns of glassy obsidian ringed with gold flank either side of the hall, with an ornate golden door that could easily let two giants pass at the far end. A long table or blood-red marble is set with at least 50 settings, and warm torchlight illuminates a feast beyond your wildest imagination. There are fruits and vegetables you can scarcely believe, from alabaster apples burning with pale fire to berries that each contain a virgin soul. You see dishes of roasted dragon and the meats of even more terrifying beast. Goblets of liquid stone and wine pressed from shadows are among the numerous beverages.
The room is not empty. Swarms of waist-high red devils in waiter's tuxedos scramble back and forth, bringing out new dishes and sweeping away untouched plates, seemingly at random, since none of the seats are occupied. At the far end of the table, near the imposing but empty throne at its head, a figure some 9 feet tall stands at a small table of his own, chopping off bits of a firmly held but still squirming creature. As you enter, it looks up, and gestures with its heavy steel cleaver towards the seats nearby.
You approach hesitantly, but the infernal waiters simply move around you. Only the hulking butcher seems to notice, and as you approach him, you see the distinct signs of undeath; sewn lips, discolored skin, and a vacant gaze. It makes no moves towards you, but when you are within a few paces, the devils suddenly pull out four chairs and bow low. Somehow, the zombie produces a deep voice: "Eat."
You must gain infinite life to succeed in consuming the never-ending feast. (The Abattoir Ghoul has a name tag declaring himself to be "Sous-Chef Krum" and is equipped with a Butcher's Cleaver. The opponent also controls unlimited Stone-Throwing Devils, but none of these creatures show any interest in you.)
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
<3 Sally 4eva
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Sorcery (R)
Gain control of target red or green creature.
Ninjaedit
Haze Frog and Frontline Strategist both cost 5 for a similar effect, although I'm not entirely sure why. I guess this one is a little more limited in preventing the alpha strike since it can only hold off two guys alone, and being able to kill a 1 toughness guy and survive isn't that powerful. Flying is probably pushing it a bit, but maybe it's important for the Limited format.
7/10
Oh ok yeah first read I thought it was dealing 3 to another guy. It's a pretty interesting split between Volcanic Hammer for one off removal or a very powerful ping effect that requires 4+ toughness. Great combo with stuff like the 2/5 vigilance soulbond guy and other white creatures. Hard to say if it is really a blessing.
9/10
-Gisela. Flavor is pretty good. Basically worse Guard Duty? I think skipping the defender would have been fine, it's too schizophrenic.
6/10
Good title for sure. I don't think hosers are generally rare these days, uncommon should be fine. I think this cost is ok. Some haughty blue wizard flavor text would have been nice.
8/10
Ok, 2/3, could have felt a little more coherent but it was a decent effort.
Team Much Larger Dave
Mana Available: 13WWWWUUUBBBBBRRRRRRGGGG
KoolKoal(Druid) — 5 life — 12 + 9 + 9
Emocakes(Artificer/Auramancer) — 5 life — 8 + 8 + 8
Prophylaxis(Warlock) — 5 life — 11 + 10 + 10
Balefire(Taskmage) — 5 life — 11 + 8 + 11
Team Results
FLOOR ONE: 10.5 PASS
FLOOR TWO: 8.25 PASS
FLOOR THREE: 9.5 PASS
PAR 7
On the Rocks
Success! Even Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar himself would have to praise the perfect roasting of this Granite Gargoyle flesh. You hastily chop off a few choice cuts from under the cracked stone skin, then head for the door while the hapless knight gets gobbled up by the remaining Gargoyle.
Leaving the unbearable heat behind, you press forward. The hall bends and slopes downward, spiraling deeper into the heart of the mountain. Strangely, the volcanic heat seems to fade, replaced by a distinct chill. You press on, breath hanging in the air, as you notice rime start to coat the dark stone walls. Finally, you come to an imposing door to the right, its metal doors cold to the touch. You decide you can't pass up the chance to investigate, and pry the doors open. A burst of freezing air greets you, and you brush the ice from your eyebrows to see inside.
You are surprised to see a huge open cavern, dominated by the huge chunk of ice in the center. Icy paths branch out to the walls, and one leads from the door to the center of the glacial shard. One of you notices ancient runes surrounding the door frame, and chips them away to reveal what is held within; the ice holds the frozen breath of a thousand baby beebles! Surely this is one of the ingredients to the Most Delicious Recipe Ever. But how will you fair against the gale-force freezing winds that howl through the cavern?
You or a creature you control with total power 4 or greater must reach the ice and return with a chunk, then you must preserve the ice so it does not melt outside.
(Frost Breath is cast against any creature in the room on every beginning of combat step. To retrieve the ice, you need to attack twice, once to get there and once to get back. Finally, you will need to preserve the Beeble Breath shown below.)
Baby Beeble Breath U
Enchantment (M)
At the beginning of the end step, sacrifice Baby Beeble Breath.
Sorry to interrupt the flow of things, but that's a $50 mythic right there
Atrius' Posts 1W
Instant
You win target thread. If you aren't Atrius, Atrius wins that thread instead.
"Wait, can you actually win a thread?" - Atrius.
Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar owns 1000 of them = $50,000
Magma Duelist R
Creature - Elemental (U)
Haste
Magma Duelist must be blocked if able.
Prevent all damage that Magma Duelist would deal to players or planeswalkers.
4/1
Artifact - Equipment {U}
Equipped creature has hexproof and vigilance.
Equip
"The cloak will hide you from whoever is seeking you, and make it impossible for those who are seeking you to hide."
-----
or
-----
Beeble's Bauble
Artifact {U}
:1mana::symu:, :symtap:, Sacrifice Beeble's Bauble: Counter target triggered ability. Draw a card.
Essence Tether :1mana::symw:
Enchantment {R}
Abilities can't trigger during end steps. Any player may pay to ignore this effect until end of turn.
"Things that aren't long for other planes, well... they tend to stick around a bit longer here."
Sig & Avvy by Disappointing Signets Inc.
CCC&G BRAGGING RIGHTS
Mafia Statistics
I collect pacifism: 228
Creature - Faerie {U}
Flash
Flying
When Wishthief Sylph enters the battlefield, change the target of target spell that targets only a single creature to Wishthief Sylph.
1/1
1-turn or permanently?
Sig & Avvy by Disappointing Signets Inc.
CCC&G BRAGGING RIGHTS
Mafia Statistics
I collect pacifism: 228
Instant (U)
Counter target spell that's the first spell cast that turn.
"It's a new one, I heard. Right... You need some practice."
So it's less selective Flame Slash, unless they can only block with some 0/x<5 creatures, in which case you may receive another free Flame Slash. I guess it can also block, but it has two pro-attack abilities that make that aspect confusing, and that is a strange way for red to play.
7/10
Torpor Orb is really the only comparison, so I guess the cost is ok. It has a Leonin Arbiter feel to it as well. I'm not really sure why white would be the go-to color here; there are a decent number of positive triggers but most end step triggers are negative, and red probably has the most to gain. Certainly a good Johnny rare though.
7/10
Muck Drubb?? Didn't someone tell you not to base cards on Planar Chaos color pie? Generally this is blue or red, but I guess black is in between them, so it isn't inconceivable, just not much basis for this color. I guess it's sort of black to steal their pump spell, but using it as a sacrifice to save another guy from removal seems more white really.
6/10
Hmmm...I understand the idea that they might use a test spell to get around this, but I think this is a lot better than Second Chance, more than the change from 1U to UU. It could depend on the format I guess, but I think it is alarmingly close in power to original Counterspell when even Mana Leak is drawing hate. The name also doesn't make great sense, the first spell isn't really a reaction.
6/10
Sure, well coordinated and precise division of roles. I'll give 3/3 this time.
You used 2WUUBR
Team Much Larger Dave
Mana Available: 11WWWUBBBBRRRRRGGGG
KoolKoal(Druid) — 5 life — 12 + 9 + 9 + 10
Emocakes(Artificer/Auramancer) — 5 life — 8 + 8 + 8 + 10
Prophylaxis(Warlock) — 5 life — 11 + 10 + 10 + 9
Balefire(Taskmage) — 5 life — 11 + 8 + 11 + 9
Team Results
FLOOR ONE: 10.5 PASS
FLOOR TWO: 8.25 PASS
FLOOR THREE: 9.5 PASS
FLOOR FOUR: 9.5 PASS
PAR 8
Supreme Succulence
You execute your plan with perfect timing, protecting the magma elemental as it scrabbles across the ice bridge, tears off a chunk of beeble breath-imbued ice, and returns. Before the elemental's hot grasp melts it away, you cast a tethering spell to keep the fragile substance intact.
Moving on, you finally reach a doorway at what appears to be the end of the hallway. Pushing open the heavy doors, you nearly stumble into the bottomless chasm that stretches out immediately upon the other side. The bottom is dark and a strong wind blows here, though not nearly as cold as the last room. However, you soon spot a light in the darkness. On the opposite wall of the chasm, high up to the left, there is a tiny point of brilliant light. You can barely make out what appears to be a translucent, glowing vial, hanging on a chain in front of a door. Consulting The Underworld Cookbook, you realize that this must be a vial of the legendary Sweetest Thing Ever! Distortion in the air hints at magical protection, however, and that is not all - a formidable angel suddenly drops into view between you and the light, shield raised to defend!
Gain control of the vial (it is a 1 mana artifact). A Privileged Position is in effect for the opponent, and the Aegis Angel targets the enchantment. In addition, you must all have flying to progress.
You hear a haunting voice call out from behind you:
I would say yes because the Aegis Angel is making it indestructible, so you would need to exile it.
Atrius' Posts 1W
Instant
You win target thread. If you aren't Atrius, Atrius wins that thread instead.
"Wait, can you actually win a thread?" - Atrius.
Should this be closed before I wake up, I came prepared...
Artifact {R}
You may have Quicksilver Pendant enter the battlefield as a copy of any non-creature artifact on the battlefield.
"This is no shiny trinket."
-----
or
-----
Ascension of the Meek :1mana::symw:
Enchantment {R}
Creatures you control with power 2 or less have flying and lifelink.
"Your faith will not go unrewarded."
Sig & Avvy by Disappointing Signets Inc.
CCC&G BRAGGING RIGHTS
Mafia Statistics
I collect pacifism: 228
Creature - Human Shaman (C)
When Ectoplasm Cultivator enters the battlefield, each opponent sacrifices a creature. You lose 2 life for each creature sacrificed this way.
Stealing souls takes a toll. Be certain you can pay it.
1/1
Creature - Elf Druid {U}
Kicker 2G (You may pay an additional 2G as you cast this spell.)
When Keeper of Primordium enters the battlefield, if it was kicked, target opponent sacrifices an artifact and an enchantment.
2/2
Plan of Action:
Sorcery (U)
Return target noncreature artifact card with converted mana cost 2 or less from a graveyard to the battlefield under your control.
Treasure Hunter
Sure, works for me. Lots of white themes coming together, could be good in the right deck. Unfortunately doesn't work very well with anthems.
8/10
Sure, why not. Fleshbag Marauder, with the bonus of being cheaper and only affecting opponents but the drawback of life loss and being smaller. I'm not sure cards that are just worse in multiplayer are a great design space though.
8/10
Opponent needed a True Believer too Similar to Tribute to the Wild plus Hull Breach. Not sure how often you will hit both types, but maybe it will be useful in EDH or something like that.
8/10
Seems like kind of a weird name, but I guess the concept is fine. White does probably have the most artifact resurrection. Argivian Restoration is the closest, but only hits your own yard. I think with the CMC restriction this works. (Yeah 2 for 2 or less should be ok.)
8/10
Works for me. 3/3.
You spent 6WWBGG and KK lost 2 life.
Team Much Larger Dave
Mana Available: 5WUBBBRRRRRGG
KoolKoal(Druid) — 3 life — 12 + 9 + 9 + 10 + 11
Emocakes(Artificer/Auramancer) — 5 life — 8 + 8 + 8 + 10 + 11
Prophylaxis(Warlock) — 5 life — 11 + 10 + 10 + 9 + 11
Balefire(Taskmage) — 5 life — 11 + 8 + 11 + 9 + 11
Team Results
FLOOR ONE: 10.5 PASS
FLOOR TWO: 8.25 PASS
FLOOR THREE: 9.5 PASS
FLOOR FOUR: 9.5 PASS
FLOOR FIVE: 11 PASS
Sig & Avvy by Disappointing Signets Inc.
CCC&G BRAGGING RIGHTS
Mafia Statistics
I collect pacifism: 228
PAR 9
Whetting Your Appetite
You lay out a plan and put it into action, laying waste to the magical energies that protect the vial on the other side of the chasm. Your assault destroys the vial itself, but once you soar up to reach the balcony, Prophylaxis casts a spell to carefully restore it, and you marvel at the aura of sweetness that exudes from the delicate container. Pressing through the door, you move on.
The hall beyond is decorated for a banquet. Columns of glassy obsidian ringed with gold flank either side of the hall, with an ornate golden door that could easily let two giants pass at the far end. A long table or blood-red marble is set with at least 50 settings, and warm torchlight illuminates a feast beyond your wildest imagination. There are fruits and vegetables you can scarcely believe, from alabaster apples burning with pale fire to berries that each contain a virgin soul. You see dishes of roasted dragon and the meats of even more terrifying beast. Goblets of liquid stone and wine pressed from shadows are among the numerous beverages.
The room is not empty. Swarms of waist-high red devils in waiter's tuxedos scramble back and forth, bringing out new dishes and sweeping away untouched plates, seemingly at random, since none of the seats are occupied. At the far end of the table, near the imposing but empty throne at its head, a figure some 9 feet tall stands at a small table of his own, chopping off bits of a firmly held but still squirming creature. As you enter, it looks up, and gestures with its heavy steel cleaver towards the seats nearby.
You approach hesitantly, but the infernal waiters simply move around you. Only the hulking butcher seems to notice, and as you approach him, you see the distinct signs of undeath; sewn lips, discolored skin, and a vacant gaze. It makes no moves towards you, but when you are within a few paces, the devils suddenly pull out four chairs and bow low. Somehow, the zombie produces a deep voice: "Eat."
You must gain infinite life to succeed in consuming the never-ending feast.
(The Abattoir Ghoul has a name tag declaring himself to be "Sous-Chef Krum" and is equipped with a Butcher's Cleaver. The opponent also controls unlimited Stone-Throwing Devils, but none of these creatures show any interest in you.)