I'm lost in the weeds on this one creatively, mechanically, and developmentally. But I feel I have a good kernel to work with. Help, please?
NAMEURW
Legendary Creature — ??? [R]
Whenever a creature an opponent controls is put anywhere from the battlefield other than a graveyard, ~NAME~ deals 2 damage to that player.
[3/3]
Also, void_nothing, this started as my take on a RWBPavel Maliki, but after a few drafts of the ability I moved it to Jeskai colors because I thought it worked better there. The initial idea was that I wanted to punish players for putting their Commanders back in the Command zone, but you can see it's kind of broadened since then.
I'm sort of not feeling the white here. Conceptually, I like it. But maybe it could give you a bonus for having your guys exiled/bounced/tucked/command zone'd and have a change in stats and cost accordingly?
I think the basic idea here is fine, as an interesting win-condition, but it doesn't quite have the impact I'd expect of a legendary creature in its own right. It feels more like the Burning Vengeance of a set than a Mazirek, Kraul Death Priest, you know? I firmly believe that things with really interesting triggers also warrant really exciting effects to showcase that trigger, and just 2 damage doesn't feel like enough.
It could maybe give +1/+1 to your team, or something else along those lines, so that it affects the board-state and pushes for more than just a deck full of bounce/exile.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Known as Inanimate at Goblin Artisans, and TyrRev at /r/custommagic!
Lead Tesla, a community set designed by everyone and led by me, over at Goblin Artisans. Index of articles here!
First of all I would reword the trigger to "Whenever a permanent an opponent leaves the battlefield, if it isn't put into a graveyard, ..." and then... I feel this should actually benefit you rather than kick the one already down, so maybe do some zone-changing of your own... "... exile the top card of your library. You may play that card until your next turn."
In a way this feels like something that might also benefit from a treatment using counters - building up over time like experience counter legendaries.
---
If you ever want to bring black back into something like this: "If a permanent an opponent controls would leave the battlefield and wouldn't be put into a graveyard, you may put it into its owner's graveyard instead." which would turn bounce into harder removal... for a blue-black guy, maybe?
Food for thought.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Planar Chaos was not a mistake neither was it random. You might want to look at it again.
[thread=239793][Game] Level Up - Creature[/thread]
NAME URW
Legendary Creature — ??? [R]
Whenever a creature an opponent controls is put anywhere from the battlefield other than a graveyard, ~NAME~ deals 2 damage to that player.
[3/3]
Also, void_nothing, this started as my take on a RWB Pavel Maliki, but after a few drafts of the ability I moved it to Jeskai colors because I thought it worked better there. The initial idea was that I wanted to punish players for putting their Commanders back in the Command zone, but you can see it's kind of broadened since then.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
I think the basic idea here is fine, as an interesting win-condition, but it doesn't quite have the impact I'd expect of a legendary creature in its own right. It feels more like the Burning Vengeance of a set than a Mazirek, Kraul Death Priest, you know? I firmly believe that things with really interesting triggers also warrant really exciting effects to showcase that trigger, and just 2 damage doesn't feel like enough.
It could maybe give +1/+1 to your team, or something else along those lines, so that it affects the board-state and pushes for more than just a deck full of bounce/exile.
Lead Tesla, a community set designed by everyone and led by me, over at Goblin Artisans. Index of articles here!
In a way this feels like something that might also benefit from a treatment using counters - building up over time like experience counter legendaries.
---
If you ever want to bring black back into something like this: "If a permanent an opponent controls would leave the battlefield and wouldn't be put into a graveyard, you may put it into its owner's graveyard instead." which would turn bounce into harder removal... for a blue-black guy, maybe?
Food for thought.
Finally a good white villain quote: "So, do I ever re-evaluate my life choices? Never, because I know what I'm doing is a righteous cause."
Factions: Sleeping
Remnants: Valheim
Legendary Journey: Heroes & Planeswalkers
Saga: Shards of Rabiah
Legends: The Elder Dragons
Read up on Red Flags & NWO