This may make me out as a total cynic but have you considered that being alone is actually OK? You need to know that the person you are involved with is absolutely correct for you.
Take it for me and it was a while before I realised this but your worth as a human should not be held in what other people think of you. Nor should you think yourself a failure for not having a partner.
It is great having a girl and all but believe you me no relationship is very much better than a bad one.
Because you may be living with him/her for the rest of your life.
Here's a less charged example- cats people and dog people.
People who are really into other camps can't marry or live with one another.
I am a cat person, my wife is a dog person. I am also a non drinker, she drink socially.
Neither is anything remotely close to being a deal breaker.
To the OP, you need to realize that the more restrictions you place on your dating pool, the smaller that pool gets. You have a LOT of restrictions you are placing on your dating pool. You need to decide what is more important to you: having a large field of women to potentially being in a relationship with, or holding steadfast to finding a perfect match of your values. You can't have both
The thing I don't get is that most of your "requirements" are self imposed and only really affect you. If you don't want to have premarital sex, then that's your choice, but why care if a girl has? If you don't want to drink, then that's a choice you make for yourself, but why would you care if a girl drinks socially? Avoiding foul language? Really?
Seems a lot more like a list of demands than a list of "values". And demands are not what relationships are made of.
No offense, but with a list like that, why would a girl want to date you? Say you are at a gathering and you meet a nice girl and strike up a conversation and are hitting it off, and want to ask her out, do you go "We seem to be getting along, would you like to go out sometime? By the way, you can't have had sex ever, you aren't allowed to drink ever, you can't ever try a drug, you'll not allowed to go out partying, you're not allowed to ever say a curse word, and any college or career ambitions you may have, those need to go since you'll be a traditional homemaker, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. So, what do you say?"
I am a cat person, my wife is a dog person. I am also a non drinker, she drink socially.
Neither is anything remotely close to being a deal breaker.
To the OP, you need to realize that the more restrictions you place on your dating pool, the smaller that pool gets. You have a LOT of restrictions you are placing on your dating pool. You need to decide what is more important to you: having a large field of women to potentially being in a relationship with, or holding steadfast to finding a perfect match of your values. You can't have both
The thing I don't get is that most of your "requirements" are self imposed and only really affect you. If you don't want to have premarital sex, then that's your choice, but why care if a girl has? If you don't want to drink, then that's a choice you make for yourself, but why would you care if a girl drinks socially? Avoiding foul language? Really?
Seems a lot more like a list of demands than a list of "values". And demands are not what relationships are made of.
No offense, but with a list like that, why would a girl want to date you? Say you are at a gathering and you meet a nice girl and strike up a conversation and are hitting it off, and want to ask her out, do you go "We seem to be getting along, would you like to go out sometime? By the way, you can't have had sex ever, you aren't allowed to drink ever, you can't ever try a drug, you'll not allowed to go out partying, you're not allowed to ever say a curse word, and any college or career ambitions you may have, those need to go since you'll be a traditional homemaker, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. So, what do you say?"
Now you just completely changed my words. Never once did I say my wife has to be a stay at home mom. All I said was strong family values, meaning she would be into spending a lot of quality family time together with me and the kids.
See, this is the dilemma. Devout Mormon girls possess all of the things that I look for in a companion. There's no compromising because those girls would have those values, as they see them as a way of drawing closer to God (for right or wrong).
The downside, is that devout Mormon girls want to date.....devout Mormon guys. Not an atheist, even one with Mormon values. That's because in the Mormon faith, we have a thing called "Getting married in the Temple" and that's every girl's dream. But you can only get married in the temple to another temple worthy mormon guy...
So either I compromise on the things important to me, or start going back to church and be a closet-atheist Mormon lol.
Tbh, i dont usually read valarins posts, but i agree with him on this point. I think people who are too difficult in their pickings deserve to stay single and have no rig to complain. I inow a girl who was like that and she absolutly deserved every hard break up she went through.
If you want so much from a girl, what do you have to offer in return?
Tbh, i dont usually read valarins posts, but i agree with him on this point. I think people who are too difficult in their pickings deserve to stay single and have no rig to complain. I inow a girl who was like that and she absolutly deserved every hard break up she went through.
If you want so much from a girl, what do you have to offer in return?
I am the complete package, not deficient in any area, and I have many things to offer a potential companion.
I am the complete package, not deficient in any area, and I have many things to offer a potential companion.
No offense but I think many women out there would find the rules you set forth in order to be with you to be rather stifling, and rigid adherence to them to be a pretty big defect.
I'm curious, given your post, why do you think you're having a hard time finding women to date?
So, the OP asked for suggestions on how to find someone to date/marry who shares the same values.
Responses appear to have clustered into these three themes:
1) Practical suggestions
2) Relax/change/attack(?) the OP's values
3) Stay single
While I'm sure the OP is more than able to speak for himself, I suspect the responses in the first category are the most useful as they would appear to address the original question.
As to practical suggestions, I have no experience with internet dating (before my time), but I might point back to Jay13x's original post.
As to practical suggestions, I have no experience with internet dating (before my time), but I might point back to Jay13x's original post.
I guess in that vein, internet dating is also what I'd recommend.
You can try places like OKCupid or find some Christian singles place. Possibly a conservative dating site would work as well.
How well that would work depends on where you live. If you live somewhere with a high population, particularly a city in a more religious/conservative area, you'll have a greater chance of success.
Also, don't put "I'm the complete package, not deficient in any area" in your profile.
Of course, this will probably still be difficult, because your standards make your dating pool very small (people who behave like devout Mormons but are willing to marry atheists who have the issues you've discussed on here before).
And here I was getting all ready to jump down Erimir's throat for derailing an advice thread in order to borderline flame a guy just for having different sets of standards than him when it comes to dating.
And then you had to go with the whole "complete package" thing.
Because if you're carrying yourself as if you're the cats meow and your "only" possible flaw is that you're an atheist in a mormon's brain, that is more limiting to your dating options than your own standards.
Just think about it for a second. You're not just perusing on a forum about a fantasy card game. You are in the Real Life Advice section of a forum about a fantasy card game, seeking wisdom from fellow fantasy card game nerds, as to how you can find a girl.
And here I was getting all ready to jump down Erimir's throat for derailing an advice thread in order to borderline flame a guy just for having different sets of standards than him when it comes to dating.
And then you had to go with the whole "complete package" thing.
Ehhh, erimir and Valarin were right even before the ego trip. If a person with incredibly (specifically) high standards is having trouble finding someone who meets those criteria, I think it's reasonable to point out that your criteria are limiting your potential dating pool. And that loosening up on those standards where compromise is possible would help widen the dating pool.
For example, I won't date smokers. I know that limits my options and if I ever felt it hard to find someone to date, that's where I'd start if I were going to widen my available options. So advising jdinatale to consider reassessing his standards to see if there are any he could afford to be a bit looser on isn't borderline flaming, it's actually really good advice.
Just think about it for a second. You're not just perusing on a forum about a fantasy card game. You are in the Real Life Advice section of a forum about a fantasy card game, seeking wisdom from fellow fantasy card game nerds, as to how you can find a girl.
Think about it.
I hate this argument. People here are no less capable of relationships based on a hobby than anyone else. The whole 'nerd = loser in dating' notion is as false as it is insulting.
Not only a complete package, but "The complete package."
I am impressed. Why aren't they lined up in front of you?
Actually this makes me wonder.
What do you consider men need to offer women? Some might say money, but some might not. Some might say a man that cooks is very welcomes, while others might say "it is the woman's job to cook"
What do you consider being part of "the complete package"? I would try to focus on that (your "advantages" (can't think of the proper word)) and try to attract women with that. If you are funny, use that to meet woman. After they find something they like about you, it should be easier to accept the rest.
He certainly isn't lacking in the ego department. I would agree with others in that perhaps you should loosen your extremely strict beliefs and perhaps you may find someone. Sometimes you have to, you know, compromise with people. It's a valuable thing to learn.
I am the complete package, not deficient in any area, and I have many things to offer a potential companion.
No one is "the complete package". That's part of the reason people have relationships with others, because others possess the qualities they lack.
The love of your life might not possess any of your deal breakers and I can guarantee it won't matter when you meet her. Until you are in a meaningful, fulfilling relationship its easy to do stuff like list what you think you want in your potential life mate. Just relax and be open to others! Life is too short to be that "forever alone" guy/girl everyone knows because you aren't open to compromise before you even get into a relationship.
Ehhh, erimir and Valarin were right even before the ego trip. If a person with incredibly (specifically) high standards is having trouble finding someone who meets those criteria, I think it's reasonable to point out that your criteria are limiting your potential dating pool. And that loosening up on those standards where compromise is possible would help widen the dating pool.
For example, I won't date smokers. I know that limits my options and if I ever felt it hard to find someone to date, that's where I'd start if I were going to widen my available options. So advising jdinatale to consider reassessing his standards to see if there are any he could afford to be a bit looser on isn't borderline flaming, it's actually really good advice.
I hate this argument. People here are no less capable of relationships based on a hobby than anyone else. The whole 'nerd = loser in dating' notion is as false as it is insulting.
Considering the extent of the level of advice given to him can be summed up as
"Shame on you for not liking girls who smoke or drink, you should change your personal preferences to our idea of what is acceptable dating standards!"
than I would say you've already proven my point that the quality of advice card game nerds can give to relationships is piss poor.
To the OP: Despite your egocentric ways, don't listen to any of these chodes. I have a girl who doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, has strong family values and a good head on her shoulders, despite choosing a nihilist nitwit like myself. And she was apart of a rather large pool of like minded girls I could of went after.
You shouldn't have to settle for a crazy party girl just because these blowhards demand that you change your ways. You just have to look in the right places. I wish you the best of luck my friend.
Warning for flaming issued. You can disagree without namecalling. - Jay13x
Considering the extent of the level of advice given to him can be summed up as
"Shame on you for not liking girls who smoke or drink, you should change your personal preferences to our idea of what is acceptable dating standards!"
Not really.
I said he'd be better off relaxing his standards and not being so zero-tolerance with them. He'd be more likely to find someone who is more flexible herself. And he'd increase the size of his dating pool.
He just got upset that I said there's something judgmental about ruling someone out because they have a drink every once in a while. Even though later he said "if you don't think there's anything wrong with someone who drinks a couple times a week, then you date them" thus proving my point that, yes, he does judge there to be something wrong with people like that.
Presumably he thinks it's a justified judgment, but acting like he's not judging them is just silly.
To the OP: Despite your egocentric ways, don't listen to any of these chodes. I have a girl who doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, has strong family values and a good head on her shoulders, despite choosing a nihilist nitwit like myself. And she was apart of a rather large pool of like minded girls I could of went after.
Where do you live?
And how do you know that those other girls would've been interested in you?
Saying that you didn't have a hard time finding someone doesn't really help someone who has already said that he IS having a hard time.
You shouldn't have to settle for a crazy party girl
I never said to settle for a crazy party girl.
In fact, my point was that drinking alcohol every once in a while doesn't make you a crazy party person.
Considering the extent of the level of advice given to him can be summed up as
"Shame on you for not liking girls who smoke or drink, you should change your personal preferences to our idea of what is acceptable dating standards!"
than I would say you've already proven my point that the quality of advice card game nerds can give to relationships is piss poor.
Well that's an inaccurate summary of what people are saying to jdinatale, so no wonder you're vastly misrepresenting the capability of this forum to give advice.
To the OP: Despite your egocentric ways, don't listen to any of these chodes. I have a girl who doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, has strong family values and a good head on her shoulders, despite choosing a nihilist nitwit like myself. And she was apart of a rather large pool of like minded girls I could of went after.
You shouldn't have to settle for a crazy party girl just because these blowhards demand that you change your ways. You just have to look in the right places. I wish you the best of luck my friend.
I am the complete package, not deficient in any area, and I have many things to offer a potential companion.
I really mean no offense in saying this; I'm simply stating a truth - If any of that were true, you wouldn't be consistently seeking life advice and approval from people on a Magic: the Gathering forum. Considering some of the threads I've seen you post in the past and issues you're dealing with, I think stating such as the quoted text is best summed up as delusions of grandeur. Covering up your insecurities with bravado of this nature given your tenure on these forums only serves to prove how thin that veil is.
At one point, I felt like you have had it rough and are a confused kid that needs some help with finding a direction in life. But, if you really believe what you're saying, then I can't offer any sympathies for you. If you really think that, then you are going to be your worst enemy in the long run. I always read the threads you post here and almost never reply, because you seem to have an identity crisis and try to cover it up by questioning things in your life, and even going as far as to create reservations and unrealistic expectations for qualifying a potential partner.
In the end, these arbitrary questions and stipulations you're creating to feel like you have a sense of control in life only last so long; and you can only pretend you're a certain person for so long before the mask you hide behind begins to crack and chip away. I suggest you ask yourself why any of these things really matter in the bigger picture and how they really better your life. You aren't going to be better off than many people who don't hold those values - you aren't a special snowflake. You're still living on the planet Earth, and such arbitrary concerns won't solve the real issues you face in life; or, for that matter, whether your time alive on our spec of dust in the universe will be spent in merriment or misery. And I can tell you that -despite naive idealism- you're going to make yourself miserable if you keep on this path.
Well that's an inaccurate summary of what people are saying to jdinatale, so no wonder you're vastly misrepresenting the capability of this forum to give advice.
My point stands rather succinctly. As you just saying "no" does absolutely nothing to make your judgmental "advice" look any better.
The guy comes in and asks "How can I find a girl who meets these specifications?"
You guys come in and say "Those specifications are stupid, you'll never find a girl if you're 21 and not willing to date girls who drink".
You guys haven't actually gave him ANY constructive advice at all that answers the OP.
It's like the equivalent of me posting in this forum asking
"Hey guys, I'm looking to get into Marvel Comics, but don't want to read Fantastic Four because that's not the kind of dynamic I'm looking for."
and you guys come into the thread and go
"You need to open your mind more to reading Fantastic Four, stop being so judgmental and read Fantastic Four."
Without actually giving me any advice at all as to what OTHER comics to read or where to find them.
You got hung up on Fantastic Four, so you're ignoring the OP's request until he agrees with you that he should read Fantastic Four.
As Erimir would say, "I'm just pointing out to you why you're wrong". It's really not my fault that my fellow card game nerds are just horrible at giving relationship advice but you think you're some sort of relationship guru so you're offended at me calling you out for browbeating a guy with different beliefs than you.
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Take it for me and it was a while before I realised this but your worth as a human should not be held in what other people think of you. Nor should you think yourself a failure for not having a partner.
It is great having a girl and all but believe you me no relationship is very much better than a bad one.
I am a cat person, my wife is a dog person. I am also a non drinker, she drink socially.
Neither is anything remotely close to being a deal breaker.
To the OP, you need to realize that the more restrictions you place on your dating pool, the smaller that pool gets. You have a LOT of restrictions you are placing on your dating pool. You need to decide what is more important to you: having a large field of women to potentially being in a relationship with, or holding steadfast to finding a perfect match of your values. You can't have both
The thing I don't get is that most of your "requirements" are self imposed and only really affect you. If you don't want to have premarital sex, then that's your choice, but why care if a girl has? If you don't want to drink, then that's a choice you make for yourself, but why would you care if a girl drinks socially? Avoiding foul language? Really?
Seems a lot more like a list of demands than a list of "values". And demands are not what relationships are made of.
No offense, but with a list like that, why would a girl want to date you? Say you are at a gathering and you meet a nice girl and strike up a conversation and are hitting it off, and want to ask her out, do you go "We seem to be getting along, would you like to go out sometime? By the way, you can't have had sex ever, you aren't allowed to drink ever, you can't ever try a drug, you'll not allowed to go out partying, you're not allowed to ever say a curse word, and any college or career ambitions you may have, those need to go since you'll be a traditional homemaker, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. So, what do you say?"
Now you just completely changed my words. Never once did I say my wife has to be a stay at home mom. All I said was strong family values, meaning she would be into spending a lot of quality family time together with me and the kids.
See, this is the dilemma. Devout Mormon girls possess all of the things that I look for in a companion. There's no compromising because those girls would have those values, as they see them as a way of drawing closer to God (for right or wrong).
The downside, is that devout Mormon girls want to date.....devout Mormon guys. Not an atheist, even one with Mormon values. That's because in the Mormon faith, we have a thing called "Getting married in the Temple" and that's every girl's dream. But you can only get married in the temple to another temple worthy mormon guy...
So either I compromise on the things important to me, or start going back to church and be a closet-atheist Mormon lol.
If you want so much from a girl, what do you have to offer in return?
I am the complete package, not deficient in any area, and I have many things to offer a potential companion.
Except a flexible personality and an open mind.
Not insulting, just pointing out facts.
You're looking for a 'mate' have you tried finding yourself? You know what you like, but do you know who you are?
No offense but I think many women out there would find the rules you set forth in order to be with you to be rather stifling, and rigid adherence to them to be a pretty big defect.
I'm curious, given your post, why do you think you're having a hard time finding women to date?
Responses appear to have clustered into these three themes:
1) Practical suggestions
2) Relax/change/attack(?) the OP's values
3) Stay single
While I'm sure the OP is more than able to speak for himself, I suspect the responses in the first category are the most useful as they would appear to address the original question.
As to practical suggestions, I have no experience with internet dating (before my time), but I might point back to Jay13x's original post.
This right here is why you're going to have a hard if not impossible time finding someone.
And quite the salesman at that.
on that note, this thread and turned into a completely different focus. Perhaps the thread can be retitled "I'm the complete package, can't find love"
You can try places like OKCupid or find some Christian singles place. Possibly a conservative dating site would work as well.
How well that would work depends on where you live. If you live somewhere with a high population, particularly a city in a more religious/conservative area, you'll have a greater chance of success.
Also, don't put "I'm the complete package, not deficient in any area" in your profile.
Of course, this will probably still be difficult, because your standards make your dating pool very small (people who behave like devout Mormons but are willing to marry atheists who have the issues you've discussed on here before).
Do you earn more than 60-80k a year?
If not, then you're clearly lacking in at least one area.
wow.....
maybe this is why?
No one is the complete package. And we are all deficient in areas, that's so we can improve.
I'm sure you have many things to offer but being humble doesn't seem to be one of them....
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And then you had to go with the whole "complete package" thing.
Because if you're carrying yourself as if you're the cats meow and your "only" possible flaw is that you're an atheist in a mormon's brain, that is more limiting to your dating options than your own standards.
Just think about it for a second. You're not just perusing on a forum about a fantasy card game. You are in the Real Life Advice section of a forum about a fantasy card game, seeking wisdom from fellow fantasy card game nerds, as to how you can find a girl.
Think about it.
Ehhh, erimir and Valarin were right even before the ego trip. If a person with incredibly (specifically) high standards is having trouble finding someone who meets those criteria, I think it's reasonable to point out that your criteria are limiting your potential dating pool. And that loosening up on those standards where compromise is possible would help widen the dating pool.
For example, I won't date smokers. I know that limits my options and if I ever felt it hard to find someone to date, that's where I'd start if I were going to widen my available options. So advising jdinatale to consider reassessing his standards to see if there are any he could afford to be a bit looser on isn't borderline flaming, it's actually really good advice.
I hate this argument. People here are no less capable of relationships based on a hobby than anyone else. The whole 'nerd = loser in dating' notion is as false as it is insulting.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
I am impressed. Why aren't they lined up in front of you?
Actually this makes me wonder.
What do you consider men need to offer women? Some might say money, but some might not. Some might say a man that cooks is very welcomes, while others might say "it is the woman's job to cook"
What do you consider being part of "the complete package"? I would try to focus on that (your "advantages" (can't think of the proper word)) and try to attract women with that. If you are funny, use that to meet woman. After they find something they like about you, it should be easier to accept the rest.
No one is "the complete package". That's part of the reason people have relationships with others, because others possess the qualities they lack.
The love of your life might not possess any of your deal breakers and I can guarantee it won't matter when you meet her. Until you are in a meaningful, fulfilling relationship its easy to do stuff like list what you think you want in your potential life mate. Just relax and be open to others! Life is too short to be that "forever alone" guy/girl everyone knows because you aren't open to compromise before you even get into a relationship.
Considering the extent of the level of advice given to him can be summed up as
"Shame on you for not liking girls who smoke or drink, you should change your personal preferences to our idea of what is acceptable dating standards!"
than I would say you've already proven my point that the quality of advice card game nerds can give to relationships is piss poor.
To the OP: Despite your egocentric ways, don't listen to any of these chodes. I have a girl who doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, has strong family values and a good head on her shoulders, despite choosing a nihilist nitwit like myself. And she was apart of a rather large pool of like minded girls I could of went after.
You shouldn't have to settle for a crazy party girl just because these blowhards demand that you change your ways. You just have to look in the right places. I wish you the best of luck my friend.
Warning for flaming issued. You can disagree without namecalling. - Jay13x
I said he'd be better off relaxing his standards and not being so zero-tolerance with them. He'd be more likely to find someone who is more flexible herself. And he'd increase the size of his dating pool.
He just got upset that I said there's something judgmental about ruling someone out because they have a drink every once in a while. Even though later he said "if you don't think there's anything wrong with someone who drinks a couple times a week, then you date them" thus proving my point that, yes, he does judge there to be something wrong with people like that.
Presumably he thinks it's a justified judgment, but acting like he's not judging them is just silly.
Where do you live?
And how do you know that those other girls would've been interested in you?
Saying that you didn't have a hard time finding someone doesn't really help someone who has already said that he IS having a hard time.
I never said to settle for a crazy party girl.
In fact, my point was that drinking alcohol every once in a while doesn't make you a crazy party person.
Well that's an inaccurate summary of what people are saying to jdinatale, so no wonder you're vastly misrepresenting the capability of this forum to give advice.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
I really mean no offense in saying this; I'm simply stating a truth - If any of that were true, you wouldn't be consistently seeking life advice and approval from people on a Magic: the Gathering forum. Considering some of the threads I've seen you post in the past and issues you're dealing with, I think stating such as the quoted text is best summed up as delusions of grandeur. Covering up your insecurities with bravado of this nature given your tenure on these forums only serves to prove how thin that veil is.
At one point, I felt like you have had it rough and are a confused kid that needs some help with finding a direction in life. But, if you really believe what you're saying, then I can't offer any sympathies for you. If you really think that, then you are going to be your worst enemy in the long run. I always read the threads you post here and almost never reply, because you seem to have an identity crisis and try to cover it up by questioning things in your life, and even going as far as to create reservations and unrealistic expectations for qualifying a potential partner.
In the end, these arbitrary questions and stipulations you're creating to feel like you have a sense of control in life only last so long; and you can only pretend you're a certain person for so long before the mask you hide behind begins to crack and chip away. I suggest you ask yourself why any of these things really matter in the bigger picture and how they really better your life. You aren't going to be better off than many people who don't hold those values - you aren't a special snowflake. You're still living on the planet Earth, and such arbitrary concerns won't solve the real issues you face in life; or, for that matter, whether your time alive on our spec of dust in the universe will be spent in merriment or misery. And I can tell you that -despite naive idealism- you're going to make yourself miserable if you keep on this path.
(Also known as Xenphire)
My point stands rather succinctly. As you just saying "no" does absolutely nothing to make your judgmental "advice" look any better.
The guy comes in and asks "How can I find a girl who meets these specifications?"
You guys come in and say "Those specifications are stupid, you'll never find a girl if you're 21 and not willing to date girls who drink".
You guys haven't actually gave him ANY constructive advice at all that answers the OP.
It's like the equivalent of me posting in this forum asking
"Hey guys, I'm looking to get into Marvel Comics, but don't want to read Fantastic Four because that's not the kind of dynamic I'm looking for."
and you guys come into the thread and go
"You need to open your mind more to reading Fantastic Four, stop being so judgmental and read Fantastic Four."
Without actually giving me any advice at all as to what OTHER comics to read or where to find them.
You got hung up on Fantastic Four, so you're ignoring the OP's request until he agrees with you that he should read Fantastic Four.
As Erimir would say, "I'm just pointing out to you why you're wrong". It's really not my fault that my fellow card game nerds are just horrible at giving relationship advice but you think you're some sort of relationship guru so you're offended at me calling you out for browbeating a guy with different beliefs than you.