I've been in this situation many times in the past. I know how it feels to be friends with a girl and then start to gain feelings for her. Its tough to tell what she wants. In my situations, they too threw mixed signals at me. They would want to hang out all the time, flirt with me, etc... So i would go for it and get rejected. Told that i was a great friend and they had no interest in a "relationship" with me. So just because she flirts with you doesn't mean she likes you "like that". Some girls are just messed up like that...lol.
In my opinion, i would just go for it. If you don't, its going to eat away at you both mentally and physically. Better to get it off your chest. If she really is your friend, she will stay your friend after you "go for it".
if she said you are going to her formal then that means she's going to 1 more formal with you than this other dude. you're probably in, she's trying to make you jealous or something. if she actually liked the other dude more, she would have gone to his and had him come to hers instead of you.
Guys, while I've read all of and appreciate the comments - and a lot of your optimism, I feel like I'm just a friend.
We ran into each other today and walked around and talked for an hour or so - almost the first discussion we had was about an injoke she has with the other guy. Later on I find out they're going to the movies this week. I asked her to the movies a few days ago, but she is grounded and said that she was only allowed to goto one movie which she was already going to - I didn't know it was with the other guy until today. I guess I'm just her ticket to my school's formal. It annoys me that she can lead me on so much and not even realise it...
I'd also add that if you enjoy hanging out with this girl, you don't have to end it just because she won't go out with you. Make it a Jerry-Elaine kind of thing.
Jerry-Elaine had Sex.
This adds nothing to the conversation. Spam warning issued.
-Frox
Guys, while I've read all of and appreciate the comments - and a lot of your optimism, I feel like I'm just a friend.
We ran into each other today and walked around and talked for an hour or so - almost the first discussion we had was about an injoke she has with the other guy. Later on I find out they're going to the movies this week. I asked her to the movies a few days ago, but she is grounded and said that she was only allowed to goto one movie which she was already going to - I didn't know it was with the other guy until today. I guess I'm just her ticket to my school's formal. It annoys me that she can lead me on so much and not even realise it...
Doubtful.
Don't fall into the trap that a number of people think every time a topic like this pops up.
Don't fall into the trap that a number of people think every time a topic like this pops up.
What do you say is doubtful? And what trap.
Ugh... there was even a moment where she was like, "A friend who saw us just then just texted me and said, 'good work' - she thinks we're together [then she did this weird inhaling thing through her teeth], and when I I dropped my bags off at work my boss thought we were together too and I was like [she did the noise thing again, aha, it's hard to explain]." I kinda played along, not knowing what the right thing is to do there.
Ugh... there was even a moment where she was like, "A friend who saw us just then just texted me and said, 'good work' - she thinks we're together [then she did this weird inhaling thing through her teeth], and when I I dropped my bags off at work my boss thought we were together too and I was like [she did the noise thing again, aha, it's hard to explain]." I kinda played along, not knowing what the right thing is to do there.
The proper thing to do when she did the thing with the teeth ( the fact that she did it twice is most likely meant to be playing it off a bit, humorous, like saying "awkwaaaard!" given the ambiguousness of your current situation, and the fact that you're not technically together ). The correct response would probably been something joking, for example something like "oh no! She sees right through me!" or raised eyebrow with "oh you didn't tell her about us?" followed by smile clearly indicating youre not all 100% serious.
Im not in the room so i have no idea what youre doing, but I get the impression that you're relaxed and even funny (or else she wouldn't have commented on it) when you're not under pressure and just hanging out as friends and she likes this confident version of you. But as soon as you start thinking about actually going out and whether she likes you, I suspect that your reactions tend to just be way too strong and you just stiffen up and make things uncomfortable.
When she passed on the movie, you could have asked her to something else. Not be pushy, but just don't act like somebody popped your balloon, and suggest an alternative. If she says no to that, then you can joke about how bummed you are or how that makes you 0 for 10, or whatever you like. But quickly move on to another topic.
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Heck later next time the formal comes up try joking with her, that if we want to do the formal properly, we need at least one proper rehearsal.
Just some ideas.
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Another idea for relaxing about the situation: I know you want to date her, but how you act when you're friends and how you act when you think she might "like" you may be very different. She may like the funny confident you that hangs out with her, and who can possibly prefer this skittish, nervous version of you that appears every time romance or jealousy enter the conversation?
Somehow you gotta relax and get past the awkwardness. Humor can be great for doing that, but don't use it to avoid things.
dacrtist has the right idea. Play it off like it's not a big deal, no matter how much it may be eating you up inside. Her reaction towards people assuming you two were together sounds like a positive thing, really.
Why didn't you just ask her out last time you hung out with her? It sounds like you're already in a "this isn't gonna work" mode, so why not just go for broke before you end up feeling rejected without ever actually asking? Worst thing that can happen is what you're already assuming anyway.
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I think I played it off by also doing the teeth thing and then asking her what she would call that and moving on from there.
Something I left out is the fact that the formal is next year! She was being really preemptive...
I feel like she doesn't like me. I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl. **** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap... I can't even ask her out because of this whole grounded thing she's got going...
I think I played it off by also doing the teeth thing and then asking her what she would call that and moving on from there.
Something I left out is the fact that the formal is next year! She was being really preemptive...
I feel like she doesn't like me. I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl. **** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap... I can't even ask her out because of this whole grounded thing she's got going...
Probably. Or she's just trying to make you jealous. Girls can be really coy like that.
A good test would be to ignore her for a while. Hang out with your other friends and don't try to contact her. See if she seeks you out.
I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl.
Don't take this too harshly, but...
...I get the feeling that if you liked a girl, that what you WOULD do is hang out with her for weeks acting like you two are buds, waiting for her to make the first move, the first indication she likes you, and put all the risk on her. Then when if you started to get desperate, you would ask her out in an awkward, nervous manner, and slink off with your tail between your legs if she would say she's busy.
Why do you think that I get that feeling?
**** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap...
What trap is that? The trap where she's flirting with you and you're doing nothing noteworthy? I don't see what she's done to really put you out?
You're not "in love" with her. You are just attracted to her, and you're not sure if she's into you. Flirting. Stop talking like a desperate person. You just keep blowing every little thing out of proportion.
"**** that" is your response?
Really, she's done nothing to deserve your anger or frustration. You're frustrated at yourself (probably because you HAVE NO GAME YET. But the only way to develop any kind of game is to relax and take some risks)
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She hasn't made a fool out of you or anything. She hasn't milked your for cash or free dinners. In fact if she wanted to really play you around, she'd just let you take her out, and not tell you about the other dude. She innocently flirts with you, and she's very up front about whats going on with the other guy. STOP TALKING LIKE A VICTIM. YOU'RE A VICTIM OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
She says her friends think you're an item now, and SHE DID NOT DENY IT. That "sucking through your teeth thing" doens't sound weird at all. It just sounds like a "well, isn't that awkward" thing.
Clearly you're not that good at any of this yet. But if you stop being so desperate & anxious about the outcome, and just enjoy the ride, follow her lead on the flirting, act confident instead of acting like you're afraid of being wounded or rejected, joke regularly about your interest in her (or her interest in your) to feel her out. If she puts the kibosh on it, you'll know where you stand, and its all valuable experience for you.
Being shy or appearing shy tends to attract some certain types of women, which tend to be the assertive aggressive types. Considering she's young and not exceedingly grabby, titched in the head, it sounds like a good starter potential relationship that could last a few weeks or months and give you some self-confidence.
You will also realize that certain women will be attracted to certain types of guys, in this case you have an assertive girl that apparently likes to be aggressive and it seems to be offsetting. If you're looking for a meeker potential girlfriend, then you're going to have to become the assertive one and ask her out.
There's a time to listen, there's a time to talk. If you're confused, then ask if she wants to date you. If she says no, then you have your answer, if she says yes then make a date if she's someone you enjoy being with. I mean you're not going to get a better shot at a training wheels girlfriend than potentially now.
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I feel like she doesn't like me. I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl. **** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap... I can't even ask her out because of this whole grounded thing she's got going...
This trap.
You have no idea how she feels about you. You're merely creating conjectures based upon her behavior and words. This is about as useful, or meaningful, as me saying that I like cookies and you creating a conjecture that I must be the Cookie Monster.
It's all the stranger because you're taking your own attitudes/beliefs and expecting as how it should be how everyone else behaves. This makes absolutely no sense.
I won't ask you to ask her out and risk being rejected, not only because she's apparently grounded but also because you'll probably find a thousand reasons why you shouldn't/can't. But I will ask that you keep your mind open and, most importantly, understand that you're (I'd imagine) very young.
Honestly, just ask the girl out. It's far from the hardest thing in the world to do, worst thing that happens is she says no and even then there is a silver lining to that, you'll save yourself all this "drama" you've created for yourself and you won't be left wondering if she's into you or not.
Well, I think I've been hanging out with the master of mixed signals. There's this girl I've been talking to heaps lately - and we "hung out" before she went to work the last week and it was good, and we're doing the same thing this week... we seem to flirt all the time... and then midway through conversation the other day she said, "I'm getting coffee with a guy from work today..."...
I managed to subdue my, "WHAT?" -ness, that was going around my head... anyway, I assumed that I was just extremely friend-zoned and kept talking to her - and it got to the stage where we were basically just flirting again over the week and I started to wonder, "Maybe the guy from work was friend-zoned instead?". It was easy enough to think after she's said stuff like, "My friend who we saw the other day texted me to say, 'good work'." and "You're literally the funniest guy I know.".
And then today... "I'm going to the [some school] formal!" -once again, I subdued my "WTF"-ness, and continued to talk... yep, she was going to the formal with the guy from work. She continued to talk about how she couldn't wait to be able to goto a formal where short-dresses were allowed while I secretly got depressed inside... and then she says, "Also, I'm going to your formal, as your date, and you have no say in it! You can come to mine."
Now I have no idea what to think. Maybe she just likes formals. I hate this situation, but I really, really like her.
why don't u just ask her straight out? u got nothing to lose.
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At some point the next time you see her, you should say something like this:
"I just want you to know that I really like you and I think you're really special. I'd like to go out on a date with you, dinner and a movie or something. I think it would work out pretty well between us. What are your thoughts?"
If she says yes, you did it right! Hooray! If she says no, you didn't really have much of a chance anyway and it's better to know now than later. If she waffles and stalls and doesn't say yes or no explicitly, don't freak out. Just go back to whatever conversation you were having and ask her again later, when she's had some time to think about it.
Asking girls out is pretty easy if you can get out of your own head for long enough to really be open to the answer.
Don't listen to these guys. Don't "tell her how you feel". SHE WILL SAY NO. By doing that you are forcing her to make a decision too early, before you even spend enough intimate time together for her to figure out how she feels about you. Therefore, her only recourse is to say no.
Girls don't want a man of words, they want a man of action. Just ask her out to dinner and use body language and physical contact to communicate what you feel. It keeps things more exciting and makes her want more that way, instead of a flat, boring "I like you." which kills the mood entirely.
I repeat: Do not talk about your feelings. SHOW her how you feel through your actions. Non. Verbal. Communication.
edit: This is still too much:
You are doing it wrong. This is way too many words and reads more like a desperate plea than anything else. All you need to say is "Hey, want to get dinner tonight?". Make it spontaneous, casual, and fun. Not a big ****ing emotional ordeal.
Are like 90% of the people here missing the part where the girl goes:
The wording of this whole paragraph was a bit confusing, but I interpreted the red part to be what the OP was thinking in his head, NOT what the girl actually said. Please correct me if I misread that paragraph, and somehow she is talking about THREE different formals.
The bolded part, is what the girl actually says: "I'm going to your formal, as your date, and you have no say in it! You can come to mine."
I am reading NO mixed signals anywhere here. I am just reading GREEN LIGHTS down the board.
I'm not saying you gotta explain what all your feelings are, blah blah. But if a girl puts herself out on a limb like that because you're too passive, you have to at least make it clear that you like her, and are not just going with her because she asked you & you have nothing better to do. If you keep acting "cool" and don't put yourself out there a LITTLE bit, you're basically letting her make an ass of herself.
How would you feel if you were hanging out with a girl for a while and liked her and thought she liked you, and one day you got the balls to say "Hey, let's go to prom! I'm not taking 'no' for an answer!" And she responded by looking at you a little funny and said: "Uh... sure. why not? I'm not busy that night."Then while you're getting all this nice dinner or limo or whatever set up, she spends the rest of the weeks leading up to it like it's no big thing. Wouldn't you feel like an ass who is just being humored? Wouldn't you want some acknowledgment or verification that she's indeed into it and into you?
And realize that this is a girl, who is not "supposed to be" the aggressor. She is REALLY putting herself out there to be knocked down.
dcartist is absolutely correct, dude. She's practically throwing herself at you, and all you can do is blow it off as her pulling you into a trap? She's practically begging you to make a move!!
Tell her what you think. She will tell you what she thinks. Problem solved.
No, none of this is necessary. Words just tend to come out jumbled and can work against you. You do NOT need to have a huge conversation about your feelings for each other.
Guys, while I've read all of and appreciate the comments - and a lot of your optimism, I feel like I'm just a friend.
We ran into each other today and walked around and talked for an hour or so - almost the first discussion we had was about an injoke she has with the other guy. Later on I find out they're going to the movies this week. I asked her to the movies a few days ago, but she is grounded and said that she was only allowed to goto one movie which she was already going to - I didn't know it was with the other guy until today. I guess I'm just her ticket to my school's formal. It annoys me that she can lead me on so much and not even realise it...
Ok, so...from this, I gathered that she can go to one movie a week? A month? Whatever it is, yeah, she's made plans with another friend for now, but what about the next time she's available? What about dinner? Lunch? Don't even pinpoint an exact plan!
Here's what you say:
"Hey, do you want to go on a date sometime?"
There'll be one of two reactions: she'll say yes or no. Either way, you'll have all the answers you've been looking for.
I think I played it off by also doing the teeth thing and then asking her what she would call that and moving on from there.
Something I left out is the fact that the formal is next year! She was being really preemptive...
I feel like she doesn't like me. I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl. **** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap... I can't even ask her out because of this whole grounded thing she's got going...
You feel like that because you have little to no self-esteem. It oozes out of your posts, man. Regardless, this girl is still showing a ton of interest in you, so you need to suck it up and put yourself out there.
Just remember bro: Here, you rule. When she mentions the other guy, drop a Silence and on your turn is when you play a Primeval Titan with a Concordant Crossroads out. Tap that mana bro.
From a female perspective, she could just be a flirt and keep her options open...your not doing anything to progress the relationship...God how i /we meaning women hate passive men. If she is flirting with you she has interest, its up to you how that grows...take it from me, you can keep doing what your doing and it will stay the same and you will become the dependable guy buddy who is back up. Lay it out for her. Say your getting mixed signals, but not in a creepy kind of way. Women love confidence on guys and if you are to chicken to say what you want she will string you along...is she out of your league? Helpful hint for you guys, every woman is attainable, just like every guy is, you just need to be confident you are neuter than other dude and she was probably just trying to get a reaction from you..no lay wants to hear from a guy she could be interested in that h your going to a dance with someone else great! Get the picture....go for it, worse case scenario you would appear to have balls and maybe just maybe you would have a shot. Hope that helps. ...advice given cause I'm that exact type of female and been there done that. Take the initiative!
To clarify phone replies and auto correct suck. Better not neuter and lady not lay lol
Double posts merged. In the future, please use the edit function rather than making a second post.
- Teia
What's wrong with men being passive? Why do men have to be the ones to take initiative? It sounds like you're trying to enforce gender roles.
What's wrong with men being passive? Why do men have to be the ones to take initiative? It sounds like you're trying to enforce gender roles.
what are you talking about: girl is being interactive and communicating, and OP is being HYPER passive and clueless, and expecting the girl to just read his mind, and cannot take the slightest hint.
what are you talking about: girl is being interactive and communicating, and OP is being HYPER passive and clueless, and expecting the girl to just read his mind, and cannot take the slightest hint.
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God how i /we meaning women hate passive men.
It sounded like she was talking about men in general, not just OP.
Also, he is taking the slightest hint. He's at least guessing that she might be interested in him, but he's not sure so I wouldn't call him clueless. Also, I have a story about this kind of situation:
Girl shows interest in me, I show interest in her, she then drifts away and doesn't want to have anything to do with me and loses interest in me. So it's totally okay for a girl to show interest in a guy, but the other way around is not.
It sounded like she was talking about men in general, not just OP.
Also, he is taking the slightest hint. He's at least guessing that she might be interested in him, but he's not sure so I wouldn't call him clueless.
No he's being hit over the head with a message, and he's asking why the girl is giving him mixed signals.
Also, I have a story about this kind of situation:
Girl shows interest in me, I show interest in her, she then drifts away and doesn't want to have anything to do with me and loses interest in me. So it's totally okay for a girl to show interest in a guy, but the other way around is not.
Your conclusions from that story are way, way off base.
Have you ever considered the possibility that she was interested in you, got to know you a little bit, then decided she didn't really like you all that much, and would rather be with somebody else?
Have you ever considered the possibility that you just didn't have any game when it came to flirting back with her, and she quickly realized this was a waste of her time?
How can you possibly conclude that she lost interest in you BECAUSE you showed interest in her?
You act like having some girl "interested in you" is some kind of GOAL, the end purpose of this all. The goal is to make a connection. She was interested... and you gave it a shot, and she decided "nah, pass". No shame in that.
The only thing that showing interest in her did to the situation was put you in a position where you could 'lose face' a little if she lost interest in your. And she did.
But nothing ventured nothing gained. You have to take a risk if you want to win anything.
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Common scenario I see with young guys who are nerdy and smart, but have little game, is that they are super passive, and don't want to risk being "humiliated" by going after a girl, and really their emotional control is so poor, that even rejecting them becomes an awkward thing for a girl, and so it can all be very uncomfortable.
Some girl will see some positive qualities in the guy, and show some interest, flirt maybe, and the guy, who is not really interested in that girl (doesn't think she's the prettiest, she is not his "first choice", and he doesn't think she's especially intriguing, but are kind of flattered that a cutish girl is interested in them, and would love it if the girl would just kind of throw themselves at the boy for easy sex or affection), just waits.. and waits... because he wants to be absolutely sure the girl is wanting HIM, before he even moves a ****ing finger. He finally shows interest, but in such a way that the girl realizes that she's STILL going to have to make all the moves. The "game" he displays is kind of indicative that he's not really seeing her, not really connecting with her, and he's just socially awkward. She knows from experience that a guy like this who is just not really connecting with her, but just acting on the fact that she's shown interest, will lose interest in her as soon as he nails her. She just figures out that he's not actually into her: He's just interested in her because she's interested in him. So she bales.
Then he sits there and wonders what he did wrong.
Girl shows interest in a guy, it means only that, nothing more. It doesn't mean that she's "DECLARED HERSELF FOR HIM" so that as soon as he shows interest, he can "bag" her.
Showing interest should be fine. Just try to relax, and not be so freaking awkward.
What's wrong with men being passive? Why do men have to be the ones to take initiative? It sounds like you're trying to enforce gender roles.
Even speaking as an introvert and generally passive person; it's not really a good philosophy on life to think that you're locked into that way or that you're on some kind of crusade for gender equality by doing so.
If you want something from life, be it a relationship, a job, success in Magic, a better social life, a better phsyique etc. then ultimately you step up to the plate and own it.
Being able to assert yourself and your needs/desires without being an ******* is a key life lesson.
In my opinion, i would just go for it. If you don't, its going to eat away at you both mentally and physically. Better to get it off your chest. If she really is your friend, she will stay your friend after you "go for it".
We ran into each other today and walked around and talked for an hour or so - almost the first discussion we had was about an injoke she has with the other guy. Later on I find out they're going to the movies this week. I asked her to the movies a few days ago, but she is grounded and said that she was only allowed to goto one movie which she was already going to - I didn't know it was with the other guy until today. I guess I'm just her ticket to my school's formal. It annoys me that she can lead me on so much and not even realise it...
Jerry-Elaine had Sex.
This adds nothing to the conversation. Spam warning issued.
-Frox
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Doubtful.
Don't fall into the trap that a number of people think every time a topic like this pops up.
What do you say is doubtful? And what trap.
Ugh... there was even a moment where she was like, "A friend who saw us just then just texted me and said, 'good work' - she thinks we're together [then she did this weird inhaling thing through her teeth], and when I I dropped my bags off at work my boss thought we were together too and I was like [she did the noise thing again, aha, it's hard to explain]." I kinda played along, not knowing what the right thing is to do there.
Im not in the room so i have no idea what youre doing, but I get the impression that you're relaxed and even funny (or else she wouldn't have commented on it) when you're not under pressure and just hanging out as friends and she likes this confident version of you. But as soon as you start thinking about actually going out and whether she likes you, I suspect that your reactions tend to just be way too strong and you just stiffen up and make things uncomfortable.
When she passed on the movie, you could have asked her to something else. Not be pushy, but just don't act like somebody popped your balloon, and suggest an alternative. If she says no to that, then you can joke about how bummed you are or how that makes you 0 for 10, or whatever you like. But quickly move on to another topic.
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Heck later next time the formal comes up try joking with her, that if we want to do the formal properly, we need at least one proper rehearsal.
Just some ideas.
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Another idea for relaxing about the situation: I know you want to date her, but how you act when you're friends and how you act when you think she might "like" you may be very different. She may like the funny confident you that hangs out with her, and who can possibly prefer this skittish, nervous version of you that appears every time romance or jealousy enter the conversation?
Somehow you gotta relax and get past the awkwardness. Humor can be great for doing that, but don't use it to avoid things.
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I think I played it off by also doing the teeth thing and then asking her what she would call that and moving on from there.
Something I left out is the fact that the formal is next year! She was being really preemptive...
I feel like she doesn't like me. I know for sure that if I liked a girl I wouldn't go on to her about all the cute injokes and dates I had with another girl. **** that. I'm sick of constantly falling into her trap... I can't even ask her out because of this whole grounded thing she's got going...
Probably. Or she's just trying to make you jealous. Girls can be really coy like that.
A good test would be to ignore her for a while. Hang out with your other friends and don't try to contact her. See if she seeks you out.
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...I get the feeling that if you liked a girl, that what you WOULD do is hang out with her for weeks acting like you two are buds, waiting for her to make the first move, the first indication she likes you, and put all the risk on her. Then when if you started to get desperate, you would ask her out in an awkward, nervous manner, and slink off with your tail between your legs if she would say she's busy.
Why do you think that I get that feeling?
What trap is that? The trap where she's flirting with you and you're doing nothing noteworthy? I don't see what she's done to really put you out?
You're not "in love" with her. You are just attracted to her, and you're not sure if she's into you. Flirting. Stop talking like a desperate person. You just keep blowing every little thing out of proportion.
"**** that" is your response?
Really, she's done nothing to deserve your anger or frustration. You're frustrated at yourself (probably because you HAVE NO GAME YET. But the only way to develop any kind of game is to relax and take some risks)
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She hasn't made a fool out of you or anything. She hasn't milked your for cash or free dinners. In fact if she wanted to really play you around, she'd just let you take her out, and not tell you about the other dude. She innocently flirts with you, and she's very up front about whats going on with the other guy. STOP TALKING LIKE A VICTIM. YOU'RE A VICTIM OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
She says her friends think you're an item now, and SHE DID NOT DENY IT. That "sucking through your teeth thing" doens't sound weird at all. It just sounds like a "well, isn't that awkward" thing.
Clearly you're not that good at any of this yet. But if you stop being so desperate & anxious about the outcome, and just enjoy the ride, follow her lead on the flirting, act confident instead of acting like you're afraid of being wounded or rejected, joke regularly about your interest in her (or her interest in your) to feel her out. If she puts the kibosh on it, you'll know where you stand, and its all valuable experience for you.
You will also realize that certain women will be attracted to certain types of guys, in this case you have an assertive girl that apparently likes to be aggressive and it seems to be offsetting. If you're looking for a meeker potential girlfriend, then you're going to have to become the assertive one and ask her out.
There's a time to listen, there's a time to talk. If you're confused, then ask if she wants to date you. If she says no, then you have your answer, if she says yes then make a date if she's someone you enjoy being with. I mean you're not going to get a better shot at a training wheels girlfriend than potentially now.
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This trap.
You have no idea how she feels about you. You're merely creating conjectures based upon her behavior and words. This is about as useful, or meaningful, as me saying that I like cookies and you creating a conjecture that I must be the Cookie Monster.
It's all the stranger because you're taking your own attitudes/beliefs and expecting as how it should be how everyone else behaves. This makes absolutely no sense.
I won't ask you to ask her out and risk being rejected, not only because she's apparently grounded but also because you'll probably find a thousand reasons why you shouldn't/can't. But I will ask that you keep your mind open and, most importantly, understand that you're (I'd imagine) very young.
The world ain't ending.
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why don't u just ask her straight out? u got nothing to lose.
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http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=347708
This.
dcartist is absolutely correct, dude. She's practically throwing herself at you, and all you can do is blow it off as her pulling you into a trap? She's practically begging you to make a move!!
No, none of this is necessary. Words just tend to come out jumbled and can work against you. You do NOT need to have a huge conversation about your feelings for each other.
Ok, so...from this, I gathered that she can go to one movie a week? A month? Whatever it is, yeah, she's made plans with another friend for now, but what about the next time she's available? What about dinner? Lunch? Don't even pinpoint an exact plan!
Here's what you say:
"Hey, do you want to go on a date sometime?"
There'll be one of two reactions: she'll say yes or no. Either way, you'll have all the answers you've been looking for.
You feel like that because you have little to no self-esteem. It oozes out of your posts, man. Regardless, this girl is still showing a ton of interest in you, so you need to suck it up and put yourself out there.
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What's wrong with men being passive? Why do men have to be the ones to take initiative? It sounds like you're trying to enforce gender roles.
It sounded like she was talking about men in general, not just OP.
Also, he is taking the slightest hint. He's at least guessing that she might be interested in him, but he's not sure so I wouldn't call him clueless. Also, I have a story about this kind of situation:
Girl shows interest in me, I show interest in her, she then drifts away and doesn't want to have anything to do with me and loses interest in me. So it's totally okay for a girl to show interest in a guy, but the other way around is not.
Your conclusions from that story are way, way off base.
Have you ever considered the possibility that she was interested in you, got to know you a little bit, then decided she didn't really like you all that much, and would rather be with somebody else?
Have you ever considered the possibility that you just didn't have any game when it came to flirting back with her, and she quickly realized this was a waste of her time?
How can you possibly conclude that she lost interest in you BECAUSE you showed interest in her?
You act like having some girl "interested in you" is some kind of GOAL, the end purpose of this all. The goal is to make a connection. She was interested... and you gave it a shot, and she decided "nah, pass". No shame in that.
The only thing that showing interest in her did to the situation was put you in a position where you could 'lose face' a little if she lost interest in your. And she did.
But nothing ventured nothing gained. You have to take a risk if you want to win anything.
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Common scenario I see with young guys who are nerdy and smart, but have little game, is that they are super passive, and don't want to risk being "humiliated" by going after a girl, and really their emotional control is so poor, that even rejecting them becomes an awkward thing for a girl, and so it can all be very uncomfortable.
Some girl will see some positive qualities in the guy, and show some interest, flirt maybe, and the guy, who is not really interested in that girl (doesn't think she's the prettiest, she is not his "first choice", and he doesn't think she's especially intriguing, but are kind of flattered that a cutish girl is interested in them, and would love it if the girl would just kind of throw themselves at the boy for easy sex or affection), just waits.. and waits... because he wants to be absolutely sure the girl is wanting HIM, before he even moves a ****ing finger. He finally shows interest, but in such a way that the girl realizes that she's STILL going to have to make all the moves. The "game" he displays is kind of indicative that he's not really seeing her, not really connecting with her, and he's just socially awkward. She knows from experience that a guy like this who is just not really connecting with her, but just acting on the fact that she's shown interest, will lose interest in her as soon as he nails her. She just figures out that he's not actually into her: He's just interested in her because she's interested in him. So she bales.
Then he sits there and wonders what he did wrong.
Girl shows interest in a guy, it means only that, nothing more. It doesn't mean that she's "DECLARED HERSELF FOR HIM" so that as soon as he shows interest, he can "bag" her.
Showing interest should be fine. Just try to relax, and not be so freaking awkward.
Even speaking as an introvert and generally passive person; it's not really a good philosophy on life to think that you're locked into that way or that you're on some kind of crusade for gender equality by doing so.
If you want something from life, be it a relationship, a job, success in Magic, a better social life, a better phsyique etc. then ultimately you step up to the plate and own it.
Being able to assert yourself and your needs/desires without being an ******* is a key life lesson.
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