Deck in 60 Seconds

Hey what's up? This is Goblinboy and I am currently writing an article called Deck in 60 Seconds. "Deck in 60 Seconds," that is, if you like quotation marks. I do. So what's going on in this article? Everything. Everything all at once. I've got decks, I've got 60 seconds, I've got an article. Most importantly I've got a Frazzled Editor (read: ME) who's not only calling out to be in a decklist (not that he'll get one; Un-cards need not apply) but is also calling out for some content to be finished in ten minutes. Do we already have an article? Yep. Can I see it? Nope. Is the server down? You betcha.

So Deck in 60 Seconds, right? Sounds kinda cool, right? Seems like I'll have some format and follow it and you'll read the decklists, then make them and play them against your friends, right?


Pretty much. So let's go.

Deck: Green. Green is good. Four green bad, two green good, or something, so let's make a deck with cards that have two Gs on them.

Okay, Brushwagg just basically kicks some arse and the rest of the deck is tagging along behind it. Not to mention... ELADAMRI + ELVISH WARRIOR = COMBO CITY.

Oh yeah, and I didn't want to spend any time looking for lands that made GG so I just went ahead and turned 20 Forests into 10 DOUBLE-Forests. I'm just magical like that.

Get it? Magical? We're playing Magic? Die.

Okay that was the first deck; how did I do? I know, I know, I netdecked a little, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, rouge-decking bretheren.

Oh hell, rouge? Time for a *#&@!!&! RED DECK!

Holy Hell This Deck Has Red CardsMagic OnlineOCTGN2ApprenticeBuy These Cards
1 About Face
1 Agent of Stromgald
1 Magma Jet
1 Fireball
1 Ball Lightning
1 Brothers Yamazaki
1 In the Web of War
1 Agility
1 Firebreathing
1 Tampon
1 Firecat Blitz
1 Firestorm Hellkite
1 Firefly
1 Firebolt
1 Firebrand Ranger
2 Melting
1 Fireslinger
1 Volley
1 Gamble
1 Maniacal Rage
1 Mana Geyser
1 Maraxus of Keld
1 Fumiko the Sailor Moon
1 Mana Seism (BROKEN)
1 Mogg Alarm
1 Mogg Assassin
1 Mogg Bombers
1 Mogg Conscripts
1 Mogg Fanatic
1 Mogg Flunkies
1 Mogg Jailer
1 Mogg Maniac
1 Mogg Raider
1 Mogg Salvage
1 Mogg Sentry
1 Mogg Squad
1 Mogg Toady
1 Moggcatcher
19 Mountains

When I first started the extensive testing session I had with this deck people kept saying "hay, guy, ur hilander dek is 2 smal" (all people who don't like me misspell while they talk; it's a proven fact). But to them I say HAH. Because this deck is not a Highlander deck at all. Highlander is for wussies anyway. I explicitly included two of the card Melting so as not to be confused with them. I tell them this and they're like

"o man that's geenyus"

and I'm like "yeah I know"

and they're like "kan I barn u?"

and I'm like "get away from me freak I don't house livestock in my pelvis."

The basic way this deck plays out is that you play your Moggs and you win. Because Moggs can't lose. They're Moggs, for chrissake. That's like... Pogs. And I was awesome at that game.

Occasionally the Moggs don't work so you play some cards with Fire in the name. That way, if you lose you can be like "well, sometimes if you play with fire you might get burned" and then everyone will hate you and you won't care that you lost the game because instead you just lost all your friends and money and car and life and spouse and the livestock in your pelvis.

So yeah that's how the deck works. Here are some percentages to give you an idea of how the deck does versus the field:

V. the field: 100%

Basically, fields can't play Magic. Because fields are basically Plains, and White's awful in... like... every

This image will take up a lot of space and make the article seem longer. Magic? Yes.

Sooooooo yep. Oh, you want a white deck? Fyne. Ohhh... crap I made a typo. OH WELL IT'S TOO LATE WE MUST PRESS ON!

White is crappyMagic OnlineOCTGN2ApprenticeBuy These Cards
4 Great Wall
4 AEther Shockwave
4 Sun Clasp
4 Stir the Pride
4 Taj-Nar Swordsmith
4 Tattoo Ward
4 Teferi's Care
4 Tobias Andrion
4 Tonic Peddler
4 Truce
4 Leeches
4 Trokin High Guard
4 Valorous Charge
4 Defensive Formation
4 Elvish Healer

4 2"x4"
4 1"x2"
4 8' 1"x4"
3 2"x6"

See how crappy White is? Look at this heap. There isn't even anything for the Taj-Nar to fetch! How can you stand up for a color so bad, so useless, so underpowered that it doesn't even have its own equipment.

"O but mr gobblinbouy! u wer tryin to mak dis dek bad! its not fayr!"

Hey! Don't try to pull that kind of crap on me. I know what I'm doing. I'm an accomplished deckbuilder. I got 63rd at Regionals once, baby. You can't mess with that. And besides, it's not like I didn't try for the deck, the problem is that White just sucks. I even tried to put a little Blue in there to help out with what is widely agreed upon as the best 5-drop in the game, Tobias Andrion. But y'know what? In every game I played with this monstrosity, it only won twice! TWICE!

"Misser gobo? u fergot to put in land!"

Well why don't you just whine whine whine more, n00b? Guess what? I would have put in land, but THERE AREN'T ANY WHITE LANDS. So what do you want me to do, huh? Just give it up and admit that White is the worst color ever and this, the best mono-White build I could muster, just doesn't pass muster (lol I used "muster" twice I think that's a pun).

Well, I think I've made my point.

Which brings me to the final deck, Affinity. Now Affinity has had some tough times in the new Type II environment. The Kamigawa cards, with their almost Legendary power level (hahahahahaha legen"dary" sounds like legen"dairy"; cows are funny) are really giving it a run for its money. Oh yeah also some cards were banned.

Here's my T2 Affinity list:

AffinityMagic OnlineOCTGN2ApprenticeBuy These Cards
4 Frogmite
4 Myr Enforcer
4 Arcbound Worker
4 Cranial Plating
4 Thoughtcast
4 Shrapnel Blast
4 Somber Hoverguard
4 Ahhhhhnold
4 AEther Vial
4 Blinkmoth Nexus
1 Glimmervoid

Pretty cool, huh? I just took out all the banned stuff. Who needs it anyway? It still gets 60% versus the metagame. Why? Because it's Affinity.

So... what? You wanted more? Too bad. All of my other ideas are officially "tech" which must "not" be "divulged," so you're outta luck, schmuck.

Signing off, this is your 14-hours-overdue editor, Goblinboy.


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