Casual Magic: Talk Show
By DarkRitual on June 26th, 2006 · Filed in Casual · Comments not available just now
Welcome to todays episode Casual Magic with yours truly, DarkRitual, as the host. Today we will be talking about a very sensitive subject: Unwanted rares that have been rejected from society to live a life in the dark corners of the everyday player's rare binder. These cards got the rare stamp during creation and dreamed of being played by magic players around the world, but took a tragic nose-dive when the set finally came out and people started making decks. Tonight we have three guests that have a dream of being in a deck, and we will try to make their dreams come true.
The first guest hails from Kamigawa block. I gladly introduce you to: Toshiro Umezawa!
**Toshiro Umezawa walks onto the set
DarkRitual: So, Mr. Umezawa, let's start off by telling a little bit about yourself. What is it that you can do?
Umezawa: I harness the power of the dead to play instant spells from the graveyard.
DarkRitual: That sounds cool! Why do you think you weren't used?
Umezawa: I was ahead of my time. There were not enough good instants for me to abuse in Standard or Block, and in Extended there were just better decks available. My ability isn't free either. It takes a lot of energy to use instants from the graveyard. And I could only do it when an opponent's creature died, so I was actually quite limited.
DarkRitual: I understand you had an idea to try and make a comeback in Standard.
Umezawa: Yes, I did. Actually it wasn't my idea. Horobi was talking to me about--
DarkRituall: --You and Horobi were buds?
Umezawa: Ya, we went together well, like a one-two punch. He would kill creatures, I would use instants from the grave to gain more advantage. But then sometimes it would backfire and I would randomly die when someone hit me with a Boomerang. I got tired of it and me and him split and went our separate ways.
DarkRitual: So that's cool, so you were talking about an idea he came up with?
Umezawa: That's right, well he noticed that I tend to stay away from combat and do my bidding from far away. So he suggested that I give myself an extra edge in combat. I took that idea and went with it. Eventually I got myself a jitte to use in battle. As you may know, jittes are very versatile weapons that can be used both for offense and defense. Holding a jitte, I became much more combat-able. Turns out I'm much better at melee fighting than I thought. I was popular finally, being used by magic players everywhere!
DarkRitual: And then what happened?
They used me for my Jitte!Umezawa: I got the flu before a major battle, so I gave the other creatures my jitte so that they might use it in combat like I did. That was the last time I saw it. The next day I got taken out of the deck. For the longest time I couldn't take it. Then I just accepted the fact that this was how it was going to be. Horobi and I are talking again, so I guess it's not all bad.
DarkRitual: Why don't you just get another jitte?
Umezawa: I can't make them myself. That first one I bought at an eBay auction. Spent my entire life savings.
DarkRitual: Such a sad story. A noble man like you deserves a deck to show off your skills. We think we found a group of cards that would fit you.
Umezawa: So you got my jitte back?
DarkRitual: We aren't that rich.
DarkRitual: Don't worry, I'm sure you will like this.
DarkRitual: So you have a lot to work with. You have your creature kill cards that help trigger your special powers. Terror and Terminate are standard creature kill cards; Ghastly Demise has a drawback that your graveyard has to be full, but considering 24 of the cards in your deck are instants, that shouldn't be a problem. Then you have burn. Char, Shock and Pulse of the Forge all get your opponent to zero as fast as possible. Pulse of the Forge sometimes will be able to come back considering you are losing life from Dark Confidant and Char. And that brings me to the creatures. The average casting cost of the entire deck (including the lands) is 1.4. So the life loss isn't as big of an issue. Crypt Champion will resurrect you or Dark Confidant from the graveyard, as well as give your opponent another creature that can be killed, and it's a 2/1 double strike body to boot. A menace in combat.
Umezawa: Hey, I could be a menace too if you could just get me my Jitte back.
DarkRitual: We could take the cards back if you don't like it--
Umezawa: --No, I'm good!
DarkRitual: Good! That brings us to our next guest. Let’s have a warm welcome for... Bronze Bombshell!
**Bronze Bombshell walks out, runs into a camera, triggering her countdown timer. Stage crew rushes to disarm her before she explodes. Then they guide her to her seat, and Toshiro Umezawa moves over to the next seat as Bronze Bombshell sits down.
DarkRitual: So I hear you were created by your government a couple of years ago. Explain that to the audience.
Bombshell: Yes I was, I'm the--
DarkRitual: --over here B.B., you are facing the wrong way.
Bombshell: Right, well I was the newest technology. I wasn't some regular bomb. I was way more efficient. Turbo thrusters built in to optimize speed, small and compact body that would reduce air-resistance, a fusion reactor core to maximize damage, and an instant coffee maker.
Umezawa: Instant coffee? I love coffee! Can you--
DarkRitual: --Shut up. Anyways, that sounds real cool. Why do you think it didn't go that well?
Bombshell: Well, my creators got so excited about putting all this new technology in me that they forgot to make room for a targeting system. So I can't be effective unless someone, like, throws me in the right direction. They tried Donating me, and that worked for awhile, but there are only so many stupid people in the world.
DarkRitual: Why can't they just tell you which way is the right direction and then you just go in a straight line that way?
Bombshell: They built me without ears also.
DarkRitual: So how are you able to understand what I'm saying?
Bombshell: That's classified information.
DarkRitual: Right.... Anyway, continue.
Bombshell: Well, if that wasn't enough, enemies found out quickly that my instant coffee maker was a weak point, so sometimes they will kill me before I can explode.
DarkRitual: That’s unfortunate. Well, we think we found a deck that a bomb like you can thrive in. Wanna see it?
DarkRitual: So we found a bunch of cards to maximize your effectiveness. Spawnbroker and Chromeshell Crab will be able to sneak you over past enemy lines and exchange you for one of their creatures. You have Cytoshape and Clone to copy you--
Bombshell: --wait, they can copy me! I won't stand for it!
Umezawa: They won't copy me! I'll kill them if they do!
DarkRitual: Then you have Sky Swallower as a finisher. He will send any number of bombs that might be on the field as well as anything else in the area over to the opponent’s side. You see, he likes to work alone. So I wouldn't get anywhere near him.
Bombshell: I understand. Is that it?
DarkRitual: No, then you have your Utility cards. Skeleton Shard will reassemble you after you have exploded. Crystal Shard forces your opponent to keep mana open unless he wants his creatures bounced, but it can also bounce your creatures as well. You have some chump blockers to keep you alive against an early aggro rush, but they will also do other things for you as well. Eternal Witness will grab cards from the grave, Sakura-Tribe Elder will grab a land from your deck and put it into play. Then you have Moment's Peace, which virtually serves as two turns of combat prevention. Enough time to get your forces ready.
DarkRitual: So you like it?
Bombshell: Yes, I do.
DarkRitual: Another success story! Thats what we do at Casual Magic. And with that we bring out our final guest. This one comes from Ravnica Block with an interesting story to tell, please give it up for... Avatar of Discord!
**Avatar of Discord flys on stage
Avatar: Uh, is there a place where I can put my sword? I don't anyone touching it--
Umezawa: --Can I have it?
DarkRitual: No. Just put it in the corner, I'm sure no one will touch it.
Avatar: --Good, because if I catch anyone touching my sword, I will kill them.
**Avatar of Discord puts his sword in the corner, then flies over to his seat
DarkRitual: So, I understand you wern't born with this condition.
Avatar: No I wasn't, I was born a pathetic human, but I wanted what most humans want: more power! So I went to a friend and he let me be part of an experiment using gamma radiation to make humans stronger--
DarkRitual: --That sounds suspiciously like the story of The Hulk.
Avatar: Will you let me tell my story? I should kill you right now--
DarkRitual: --Chill, I'll stop interrupting.
I will crush you!Avatar: Well, the experiment worked. I am much stronger now. I don't have legs, but I can fly. But the experiment had its side effects. I can't even get on the battlefield without my allies going to the grave. I'm also highly susceptible to Lighning Helixes and Lightning Bolts. People didn't want to play me because they kept dying when I hit the field.
DarkRitual: Well we ha--
Avatar: WILL YOU LET ME FINISH?!!
DarkRitual: I'm sorry, go on.
Avatar: Oh, I'm finished.
DarkRitual: Well we have a deck we think you will like. But we have a special surprise. For the first time in Casual Magic history. An all rare deck!
Umezawa: Oh, you can afford an all-rare deck but you can't afford-
DarkRitual: --Shut up. So let's show you the deck:
DarkRitual: Making Avatar of Discord much more effective requires two things to happen. You need cards that will put extra cards in your hand, and you need cards that get creatures from your graveyard and put them into your hand or into play. Sword of Fire and Ice and Graveborn Muse will put extra cards in your hand, while Unholy Grotto, Genesis, and Oversold Cemetery will both get creatures out of your graveyard and put extra cards in your hand. The rest of the deck is mostly beatdown cards to apply pressure to the opponent. I threw Decree of Pain in there because that card can be fun late in the game. It will fill your graveyard with creatures to recur with Genesis and Oversold Cemetery, but it will also draw you a ton of cards. And there are random times where you can cycle it to get rid of a mass of elves or goblins. And that's about it for this deck. How do you like it?
Avatar: It's good stuff. I--
**Avatar of Discord catches Toshiro Umezawa messing with his sword)
Avatar: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY SWORD! YOU WILL PAY!
Umezawa: Oh boy!
**Avatar of Discord chases Toshiro Umezawa around the room. They bump into Bronze Bombshell setting off her countdown timer. A few seconds later she explodes, causing debris to fly everywhere
DarkRitual: And that’s about it for the show. Tune in next time for another episode of Casual Magic. Goodnight!
By DarkRitual on June 26th, 2006 · Filed in Casual · Comments not available just now